When Writers Get the Blues

Friday is my designated 'Must Write in Blog' day. I know I didn't write last Friday, but I was feeling less than crappy, which is really bad.

Today, I've read several blogs, and enjoyed them. What pithy and profound wisdom do I have to share? Only this. Depression is a misunderstood, and often misdiagnosed malady that many people, including many writers, deal with. I have had many kinds of depression from the run-of-the-mill self deprecation all the way to severe post-partum. And I can tell you a thing or two about it.

First of all, depression usually doesn't have anything to do with sadness. Depression isn't melancholy, it's more like not feeling anything at all. It is the ultimate stage of apathy. It is emotional nothingness. So if you have never experienced depression, and are intent on "cheering up" your friend, keep in mind that said friend will probably pretend to be happy until you leave, and they can get back to the grey nothingness that has enveloped them.

I'm fifty-five, and can remember dealing with this at least since I was eleven. After all these years of dealing with depression,I know some of the things that trigger a dip into the darker greyness. I've learned to avoid certain things. First of all, I don't handle dystopian very well. I need stories that come out all right. I know life isn't always like that, I deal with it every day. I don't need to see it up close and personal in a story. So I avoid books or movies or TV episodes that seem to make me cry, and don't resolve.

I have also noticed that I tend to be more depressed in the winter. That's the time of year with the least direct sunshine. Now I live in New Mexico, and we have about 320 days a year of clear skies and sunshine. Even so, the last month has been hard for me because of the cloudy weather.

So, when I find myself idly staring at a blank wall for an hour or so, I know I'm depressed. Other signs are that I stop writing, I stop reading, I eat unusual combinations of things, like peanut butter & pickles, or forget to eat at all. And my sleep cycle is disturbed. I find myself awake at 3:00 am with no good reason.

What's the answer? I go back to the basics. I make sure I'm reading scriptures daily and make more efforts in my prayers. I make lists of things to accomplish, and give myself big rewards for accomplishing anything.

The thing about depression is that it's a negative loop. If you allow it, your self will tell yourself that you are worthless because you accomplished so little. Step right in there, and allow yourself to feel good about little things. I folded laundry. Yay! I got the kids to school. Great! I wrote 35 words. At last!

Anything you can cheer for, do so. Let your family and friends help. Allow them to do some of the cheering. You don't get an award for doing everything by yourself. You just get lonely that way.

So now that Spring is closer, and we are getting more sunny days, my mood is lifting. I'm able to read again. I'm able to write again. Yay! I have so many blessings, and life is Good!