In Which I Examine the Contents of My Handbasket

Since I was at LTUE last Friday, I didn't get a new post in my blog. So, it's Friday again, and I'm writing. But it's not about just one thing. It's about a whole basket full.

About the writing conference, Life, the Universe, and Everything. I was on 2 panels for the first time in our 5 year attendance. I shared a panel with Dr. Michael Collings and Charlie Harmon about poetry, and felt that I even had a comment or two that either surprised or delighted my fellow panelists.

And I was one of 7 panelists talking about what does an Editor do. I'm not editing right now, except for my own writing, and the things that I'm collaberating on with my husband. I sat between Dave Farland, who is awesome, and Stacy L. Whitman, who is a big-time New York editor. I felt somewhat intimidated, but I think I contributed a little.

I didn't attend very many panels because there were A Lot of People this year. Many of the panels were more than full, and I was having a touch of crowd phobia. So I sat in the hallway near the Schlock Mercenary and Serial Killer tables, and laughed and listened to a lot of people. We discussed our feelings about BYU policy, and I'm not going to talk about that on this blog.

I attended the first half of Tracy Hickman's Killer Breakfast, which is really an improv to demonstrate how to be the best Extreme Dungeon Master. The audience is called up one by one to participate, as the players at the front table are killed. I didn't get to the table until 9:56 am, and I had a panel at 10:00. I had to creatively fall on my sword character sheet as quickly as possible so that I wasn't late for my Editor panel. I think I at least didn't embarrass myself or my family.

I got a front row seat for the Writing Excuses recordings of the podcasts. They actually did 4 episodes while we watched. That was fun, and I learned some things.

But to me, the most important thing about attending LTUE was that I got to see my Utah friends again. I don't get to see them often enough, and it was fun to sit and visit.

The other reason we went to Utah was to see my parents. My father's health is slipping, and I want to spend as much time nearby as I can. My mother and I can sit and discuss almost anything for hours on end, and that's fun too.

Now I'm home, and I have many projects demanding my attention. Some of them are writing. I have a novel that I'm about midway through. I had to back-burner it because we got comments from an editor on 4 of our stories for the Grantville Gazette, and I need to read the changes Kevin made, and make some of my own so that we can send them back in. We haven't gotten a story published in the magazine since August, and we need to fill the pipeline again.

These are stories that we wrote together some time ago, but haven't been published yet. So they aren't as difficult to work with as they would be if I had to make up large portions out of whole cloth. In other words, it's just revision. I've already done 2, and still have 2 to go.

And then there's the problem of motivation. I have interesting things to do, and great books to read right now, but my major feeling is more "I don't Wanna" than anything. I'm fighting Laziness, and not doing a very good job.

I will say that I'm glad to be home after a week away. The air is clear, and the sun is shining, and I'm reminded every day why I love living in New Mexico. Right now, it's because while lots of other people are getting snow and rain and ice, we are having another sunny day. Precipitation is not a common occurrence here. And the sunshine makes me happy.

My LTUE Schedule

Life, the Universe, & Everything XXIX, the symposium on science fiction and fantasy held annually at BYU, will be February 17-19, 2011. We have a new venue this year: the BYU Conference Center (better parking!). Registration is $25 at the door for the 3 day event, or there is a daily admission price; any student with a current ID can get in free.

This is the first Symposium at which I will participate as a panelist. As others have posted their schedules, I thought I'd post mine as well.

Friday, February 18th, 2011

- SF-Fantasy-Horror Poetry: how does it differ from mainstream poetry in language, structures, devices
(Michael R. Collings, Charlene Harmon (M), Karen C. Evans)


Saturday, February 19th, 2011

- What Exactly Does an Editor Do, Anyway?
(Lisa Mangum, Suzanne Vincent, Stacy Whitman (M), Tristi Pinkston, Karen C. Evans, Dave Wolverton, LuAnn Staheli)

 I am nervous about participating, especially alone. My husband is attending, but he gets to listen to all the panels. I have to look prepared and intelligent and calm and collected. That's a lot, isn't it?

I look forward to meeting people I've only Tweeted to, and to see all the fans and guests. It really is one of my favorite events of the year.

When Writers Get the Blues

Friday is my designated 'Must Write in Blog' day. I know I didn't write last Friday, but I was feeling less than crappy, which is really bad.

Today, I've read several blogs, and enjoyed them. What pithy and profound wisdom do I have to share? Only this. Depression is a misunderstood, and often misdiagnosed malady that many people, including many writers, deal with. I have had many kinds of depression from the run-of-the-mill self deprecation all the way to severe post-partum. And I can tell you a thing or two about it.

First of all, depression usually doesn't have anything to do with sadness. Depression isn't melancholy, it's more like not feeling anything at all. It is the ultimate stage of apathy. It is emotional nothingness. So if you have never experienced depression, and are intent on "cheering up" your friend, keep in mind that said friend will probably pretend to be happy until you leave, and they can get back to the grey nothingness that has enveloped them.

I'm fifty-five, and can remember dealing with this at least since I was eleven. After all these years of dealing with depression,I know some of the things that trigger a dip into the darker greyness. I've learned to avoid certain things. First of all, I don't handle dystopian very well. I need stories that come out all right. I know life isn't always like that, I deal with it every day. I don't need to see it up close and personal in a story. So I avoid books or movies or TV episodes that seem to make me cry, and don't resolve.

I have also noticed that I tend to be more depressed in the winter. That's the time of year with the least direct sunshine. Now I live in New Mexico, and we have about 320 days a year of clear skies and sunshine. Even so, the last month has been hard for me because of the cloudy weather.

So, when I find myself idly staring at a blank wall for an hour or so, I know I'm depressed. Other signs are that I stop writing, I stop reading, I eat unusual combinations of things, like peanut butter & pickles, or forget to eat at all. And my sleep cycle is disturbed. I find myself awake at 3:00 am with no good reason.

What's the answer? I go back to the basics. I make sure I'm reading scriptures daily and make more efforts in my prayers. I make lists of things to accomplish, and give myself big rewards for accomplishing anything.

The thing about depression is that it's a negative loop. If you allow it, your self will tell yourself that you are worthless because you accomplished so little. Step right in there, and allow yourself to feel good about little things. I folded laundry. Yay! I got the kids to school. Great! I wrote 35 words. At last!

Anything you can cheer for, do so. Let your family and friends help. Allow them to do some of the cheering. You don't get an award for doing everything by yourself. You just get lonely that way.

So now that Spring is closer, and we are getting more sunny days, my mood is lifting. I'm able to read again. I'm able to write again. Yay! I have so many blessings, and life is Good!